Thursday, October 24, 2013

So, this guy sat next to me on a plane...

Last week I travelled to a conference in a nearby city. I arrived early, got on the plane, took my seat, and started comfortably reading my magazine. That was until the person that had the seat next to me arrived.

The first thing I noticed was his cologne. I am almost certain that he was running out of time so instead of taking a shower with, you know, water, he took it with his cologne. But I forgave the dude for that, no one wants to miss a flight.

He sat next to me, and a lady he was traveling with sat in front of us. When she did, he said: "I might fall asleep, so the first one to arrive wakes the other one." I thought to myself, "Hey, he's a funny dude, making jokes and stuff" but get this: he was actually serious. I know because of the lady's somewhat confused face, but I don't think he realized why she looked so puzzled.

He then sat down, and started singing to the top of his lungs. Not any song, either! Christina Aguilera's "But I Remember You" in a really high-pitched voice, no less. I literally bit my tongue not to burst out laughing.

So far, nothing major. But then he proceeded to turn his iPad on while we waited for the plane to take off, and started playing one of those games that have really annoying background music and sounds, and kept on playing until the stewardess asked the passengers to turn all electronic devices off during take-off and landing. Oh thank God, I thought, at least 15 minutes of peace and quiet. But no, how wrong I was! For some strange reason, this guy thought take-off meant the period of time while the plane is taxiing, because as soon as the plane actually took off, the guy turned the iPad back on! I kid you not. I could only watch in astonishment as he turned it on and started playing his annoying game again, at full volume.

But it doesn't stop there. Far from it! All of a sudden he stopped the game and started watching on YouTube this incredibly boring documentary about taxes of some sort, of course at full volume. I considered opening the plane door and jumping, but I didn't want to be the person who inconvenienced other passengers the most. It would be unfair to take that title from this poor guy who clearly had worked so hard to achieve it.


I had the brilliant idea to take my headphones out and plug them in, and started listening to some plane music. But this guy, of course, insisted on using both armrests, and kept pressing the buttons of my music, constantly changing it or increasing/decreasing the volume... Help me God, help me! I counted to ten, breathed, and proceed to tell him: "Excuse me, you changed the station. I need to change it back". He removed his elbow for a millisecond, and then put it back on the exact same spot. The process repeated itself four more times, until I gave up and just let him keep changing the music with his arm; anything not to listen to a lecture about taxes!

Finally the one-hour flight, which felt like a flight from Moscow to Argentina, landed. I could not get off fast enough. I know there are a million stories out there about people on planes, but I have yet to hear of a passenger more obnoxious than this one! If you've had an even worse experience, do let me know in the comments, and maybe I'll cut the guy some slack.

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