Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Grasshopper Debacle

Remember when I said here that my fiancé had seen me at my most exhilarated estate, and then I mentioned here how I've made him aware of all my weaknesses? Well, apparently I seem to think it was real fun, so I showed him yet another facet of me last night. Listen, I have strengths as well, don't get me wrong: I am very committed, passionate, caring, smart, etc... but I have the odd flaw here and there that is so ridiculous that I am just forced to write about it on here.

Like last night, for example.

It was a nice, relaxing evening. Sean was cooking dinner while I played with Tommy and read some books with him. Then it happened: a screeching, terribly loud noise that is one of the worse things I've ever heard. My first thought was that it was a dying bird, because it really did sound like that. I sent Sean to check what it was.

He came back two minutes later, with a nervous smile, and said: "Yea, don't come out there. You don't want to know what it is." If you've ever had a completely irrational, out-of-control fear of something, you'll know how I feel about bugs and insects (whatever you guys, whatever). So I immediately knew there was a frigging insect in my house making a terrifying noise, bad enough for my fiancé not to tell me what it was. He said it had gone under the fridge and there was no way of getting it out. Needless to say, I wasn't going anywhere near the kitchen anytime soon.

For almost a full hour it kept making noises every now and then, and I completely freaked out but wasn't allowed to make a scene because my fiancé would kill me on the spot if I passed on my "completely insane fear" to our child (I agree with him, by the way). I was trying so hard to keep it together, but on occasion the tiniest gasp escaped my mouth and my fiancé immediately shot me a dirty look.

Bedtime came, and Sean was putting Tommy to bed because I was on the phone with my dad. What I hadn't noticed is that he left our bedroom door ajar. All of a sudden, while deep in conversation, I spotted an UFI (Unidentified Flying Insect) out of the corner of my eye. That's when I completely lost it. It was the equivalent of finding out you've missed your favorite designer's sale. Or watching an insane guy with an axe getting closer and closer to you. I don't know how, but I managed to jump all the way from the bed to the bathroom, all the while screaming bloody murder. Oh, and still on the phone with my dad, who worriedly asked what was going on. When I told him, he was, how do I put this? "slightly" annoyed. Sean came a second later, and took the UFI out. After at least 10 minutes curled up in my bathroom, and several reassurances that he had gotten rid of the incredibly frightening thing, I dared to go out.

He later informed me the culprit of the whole disaster had been a grasshopper. Slightly less terrifying than what I was picturing in my mind (think those creepy rats from Quarantine 2), but still. I was in the dark! Right then and there I decided that Sean has got to include the following line in his wedding vows:

"I promise to stay by your side and get rid of every single bug threatening to end your life". Only then will I say "I do".

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